Warning, the following post is wrought with sarcasm, the highest form of humor... your job is to figure out exactly where it is.
We all know Crossfitters are elite. We are elite at WODs, elite at diet, elite at life... hell we are elite at being elite. If you doubt me, then just look at our t-shirts. Anyway, one of the main tenets of Crossfit is that it prepares its disciples for the "unknown". If you WODed (or is it WODDED, WODEDED) for very long, your mind has probably wondered how an exercise like a Thruster or a weighted lunge might play into the "unknown" one day. I've imagined some pretty interesting situations where needing Double Unders skill would pay off. I'm just not sure being held hostage by a Jump Rope Comp Team is a realistic. I put my Karen time as an accomplishment on my Annual Evaluation, but my boss made me take it off.
So I was scratching my head a bit for some of our moves.... then I saw a video of Trevor on vacation and it hit me. Dancing! For those of us "rhythmically challenged", Crossfit teaches us to be elite in yet another way.
1. Music - each and every WOD introduces you to yet another heart pumping track. You may be stuck in your "country music heaven" day after day, but you can still know all the latest rap and dance tracks in just 1 hour per day at Crossfit.
2. Volume - we also blare music directly into your ears long enough to slowly deafens you. This prepares you well for withstanding the loud club music...
3. Hot Bodies - gotta look good if your out there dancing, 'nuff said.
4. Sweating - if you've ever seen a decent dance movie (Footloose, Flashdance or Dirty Dancing), you know dance sweat is an integral part of being elite. As you swing your head around, glistening drops of perspiration must fly in all directions, creating a halo effect around your awesomeness.
and finally, the most important way Crossfit prepares us for Dancing?
5. The MOVES! You finally get up the nerve to ask the blonde at the end of the bar for a dance.... She spies your t-shirt that reads "For a Good Time Call Fran, 21-15-9" and HAS to say "yes". Not expecting to actually score a dance, you have officially entered THE UNKNOWN!!!!!!
But wait, you are prepared... just start stringing together some moves... I have provide a couple of ideas to get you started...
a. Triple T - Thruster, Thruster, Thruster, pause, then Turkish Get Up, TGU, TGU, pause, twofer, twofer, twofer, pause. Repeat.
b. Fresh Prince - 8 Jumping pulls pause, Side Step, reverse Side Step, lunge, lunge lunge, pause, burpee, burpee. Repeat.
c. Oly Oly Olsen Free - Deadlift x 4, SDHP x 4, Squat Clean x 4, Push Jerk (only 1), then finish strong with 3 OH squats!
I promise, you WILL be the talk of the club. Enjoy your new found preparedness for clubbin'!
P.S. Be honest... how many of you actually tried to picture these dances in your head?
