Monday, March 7, 2011

Top 10 Things You'll Never See at Crossfit

We are different.  I like that about Crossfit and it's the main reason our results are so dramatic.  It also means our box does not look like much when you first encounter it.  For example, when I walked into the new box yesterday, I thought it looked great.  Then I realized to a non-inductee, it must have appeared unfinished.  "Where the hell is everything?"

Top 10 Things You'll Never See in a Crossfit Box

10.  A magazine rack.  Ever tried to do a squat clean or a box jump while reading GQ?

9.  A broken elliptical machine.  Hell even if we had one, it would never break because no one would use the boring piece of junk.

8.  People with a "can't do" attitude.  Charlie Sheen said one thing right.  The slogan is Just Do It.  We do it and we do it hard.  If you say "I can't" very much, you won't be around long because you'll hate Crossfit.

7.   Personal fan with water spritzers.  Instead, we use the sweat flying off the person next to us.  Secretly, I love those damn things though.

6.  A working elliptical machine.  I realized #9 was wrong.  We might actually take a broken elliptical.  Except we'll strap a rope to it and pull it through the parking lot as part of a WOD.

5.  Bird legged muscle men.  If your arms are twice the circumference as your thigh, you won't survive a month given all the squatting, cleaning and other leg stuff we do.

4.  People judging you regardless of your fitness and ability.  I was 300 lbs, 40 years old with only 1 fully functional arm.  I was NEVER made to feel uncomfortable by anything except the WODs.  I think people cheer louder for the last finisher than the first.  Everyone at the box sucked when they started, so we want to help you get better.  Save your embarrassment for when you drink too much at the office party.

3.  TVs - see #10.  If you want to watch TV at Crossfit, you'll need to hang out in the kiddie room.

2. "The Social Gym Rat" - he or she cannot exist at Crossfit.  We require work, hard work.  After standing around for a few day of WODs, I guarantee even the thickest skinned SGR will begin feeling outta place and be back to Steam rooms and Stairmasters.

1. Annual Contracts - Chances are you've joined a gym with a year long contract at some point in your life.  You'll never find this at Crossfit.  Typically people either love it or hate it.  If you hate it, we don't want your money bad enough for you to be in the way during a WOD.  If you love it, well, why the hell would we need to sign you to a contract?

Tuesday, March 1, 2011

The Most Hated

After a few days containing some of Crossfit's most despised movements, I started wondering what was THE most hated.  Unfortunately, I don't have the ability, nor readership circulation to do a scientific poll... so I get to pick (Blogger Powers... activate!).  My first task was to write down all the movements we do.  I count almost 60 main movements.  Some of these are Crossfit 540 specials, but most are Crossfit staples.

Before I rank them, I thought it would be interesting to put them in categories.  Now of course no movement is pure anything, so I put them in their predominant classes.

Cardio/ Endurance:
Run, Box Jumps, Double Unders, Box Overs, Air squats, Beep Test, Suicides, Mountain Climbs, Rowing, Dan Cs (unspeakables), Reversal Burpees, Side Steps, Squat Jumps, Burpees, Frog Jumps, Lunges, Jumping Pull ups, Commandos, Weighted Lunges
Olympic Lifting/ Technique:
Back squats, Front squats, Sumo Dead lift High Pulls, Dead lifts, Power Clean, Squat Clean, Power Snatch, Hanging Power Clean, Shoulder Press Push Press, Push Jerk, Bench Press, Thrusters, Turkish Getups, OH Squat, Farmer Carry, Ground to OH
Gymnastics/ Calisthenics:
Push ups, Pull ups, Sit ups, GHDs, Back Extensions, Chest to Bar, Toe to Bar, Knees to Elbow, Wall Balls, Ring Dips, Hand stand push up, KB swings, Cousins, Burpee Pull ups, Commando Push ups,

Flytraps, Muscle Ups, Moonies, Tire Flip, Planks, Twofers, Upsey Daisies

We obviously do a lot of different moves.  Sometimes I actually start missing a move and try to predict when it will show back up.  99.67% of the time I'm wrong.  I like to look at the list though and smile with the realization of why my old program was so ineffective:

Eliptical (maybe a run here and there)
Oly Lifts:
Bench Press, Shoulder Press
Gymnastics/ Calisthenics:
Stupid Exercises We Don't Do:
Arm Curls, Tricep Extensions, Leg Curls, Leg Press, Calf Raises, Lat Pulls, Chest Crossovers, Cable Presses, Twisty Ab Thingy...

I was missing so much it isn't funny.  What is funny is I rarely did any of the ones I just listed.  I limited most of my WODs to 30 mins on the elliptical reading a book (yep, got a lot of reading done... BTW, I thought I was REALLY kicking ass if I kept going past time because the chapter I was reading was so good.)  Then my POST WOD exercise was a 12 ounce curl... 6 - 8 reps.  

So on to the rankings.  I'm not ranking all of them, just the ones that make your stomach drop when you read the WOD blog at 10pm.

Sucks Worse a Root Canal:
Box Jumps
KB Swings
Toes to Bar

Makes You Want to Slap Your Momma:
Front Squats
Wall Balls (though I like them)
Beep Test
Weighted Lunges

And finally, Hell's Spawn:
Thrusters and Frog Jumps

What do you hate the most?