10 Things to Never Say on Facebook

I written before about how Facebook is a lot about bragging.  Everyone, myself included, does a lot of "look at what I did" posts as a mini pat on the back.  It's usually pretty harmless, but sometimes it gets a little out of control.  Hence, my top 10 things you should post on Facebook.


Warning, Adult Humor:
10.  Hey guys, I was wrong, that toe fungus IS contagious.  P.S. Can I have my socks back?
9.  I was right, that cream is making that place I discovered feel better.
8.  Second best booty call EVER!
7.  I didn't know condoms expired.
6.  Dude, I just palmed $5000 in chips from Caesars Palace!
5.  My mom just told me I wasn't supposed to be an only child, but I was so special, they decided to stop!
4.  Master Bater... just set a PR.
3.  My girlfriend just told me I kiss better than her dad!
2.  I just finished cataloging all 456 of my comic books!!

and the number 1 thing not to brag about on Facebook:

1. Forgot my underwear in my gym bag... WODing Commando!

Crap I've Learned this Week

Totally Random, but Enlightening

1.  If our work janitor calls in sick, the men's bathroom runs out of toilet paper at exactly 9:37am.
2.  Related to #1, Bounty may be the quicker picker upper, but it ain't the softer wiper upper.
3.  If you aren't very strong but want to do push-ups anyway, you can buy a Push Up Pump to help you maintain your weakness.
4.  Drinking and ordering on-line should be mutually exclusive activities.
5.  On a pull-up ripped hand, many things will make it sting.... but in least to most hurtful are:  salt, water, soap, shampoo.... but the worst is hair gel... ouch.
6.  Tabasco Chipotle is the tastiest low calorie condiment in the entire world.
7.  If you've been married for more than 7 years AND you forget to plan something for your wife's birthday AND it's cold outside, you need long underwear to survive sleeping outside.
8.  Related to #7, your wife gets to hand you a long birthday wish list of expensive items.  All of which you will buy.
9.  At work, you always want to toilet seat to be cold.  Never do you want to sit on a warm one.
10.  Elmo and Jimmy Fallon are the funniest comic duo I've seen in a long while.

Have a great week.  I hope you learn something too.

Recapping Two Years of Crossfit (or How I Came to Adore Calluses)

In a few days, I will celebrate my second full year of Crossfit.  It has been a great two years but I look forward to the next two even more.  I'm usually pretty sarcastic and tongue in cheek in these posts, but I want to be serious for a few minutes.

This year held a lot of ups and downs for me.  I'll admit, they were mostly ups.  New daughter, great job change, continuing a path to health, watching my teenagers mature, loving my wife more each day.  The downs were related somewhat to my health.  I gained back about 7 - 10 pounds (half muscle, half fat), I got slower in my runs, my lower back and knees started bothering me more and more.  The flip side is that I still set PRs in almost every repeated WOD except the pure running ones.  I guess I traded strength and size for speed and svelte.

I watched a lot of good friends leave the box for various reasons.  I made new friends as it continued to grow.

OK, yawn, I know... it get's boring reading a chronicle of someone else's year... so here come the insights I gleaned.

Top 10 Insights from 2 Years of Crossfit
10.  Crossfit is so diverse, so intense, so technical, it will keep you engaged, involved, and excited for a very long time.  I'm on year 2 and currently resting for a cycle.  I am so damn ready to get back in the gym, it's hard to keep my commitment to rest.
9.  For me, diet is way harder than completing the WODs.  It requires willpower every minute of every day and sometimes I simply don't have it.  Despite having felt the benefits, I still struggle to maintain it.
8.  It may be all about diet, but life needs to be worth living.  True.  That is why I've adopted the 85% rule.  I target to have 85% of my diet be "perfect" so I can eat 15% of whatever I want.  I've tried it two different ways, (a) cheating 15% everyday and (b) saving it all up for 1 day.  I've found it makes no difference weight/performance wise.  But I personally like (a).
7.  There are many paths to the same result.  I don't have much to say on this, but it's true :D.
6.  Crossfit isn't perfect.  No program is.  There have been many "breaks" from the community by experienced, highly visible Crossfitter trainers.  There are valid points to their criticisms of the Crossfit regimen.  However, I contend that on the whole, CF is accessible to "everyday people" and shakes "everyday people" out of their comfort zone... therefore, it is highly effective.  Many of the professional trainers, Oly lifters, and Navy SEAL BUD/S trainers can find faults, but for the everyday Joe, it's "good enough" to make us look and feel great.  It also inspires many, many people by flipping some hidden switch in some of us.  No other workout regime has ever done that.... so Crossfit ain't perfect, but nothing is.
5.  The spotlight can be good, it can be bad.  I'm still not sure how I like the Reebok agreement. I'll admit some of the allure of Crossfit is it is not a mainstream program.  I like feeling like a badass to other "mortal" exercisers.  I'm not a narcissist, but in this one area I feel cocky.  When Reebok introduces Crossfit "lite", which they must at some point to recoup their investment... I'm going to be pissed when Joe Smo from the local gym tells me he's doing Xfit when all he's doing is a couple of box jumps and pretending to toss a wall ball.
4.  While discipline can be public, motivation is highly personal,  Have you ever watched the Biggest Loser? I didn't for a long time because I assumed it was basically exploiting overweight people.  Boy was I wrong.  As a former fat ass, it is one of the most inspiring things to watch people transform themselves.  After seeing plenty of people in the gym and watching the show, I can say that motivation comes in all shapes and sizes, but it always personal and specific.
3. There is always room for improvement.  I am still working to improve my clean after 2 years and it is BY FAR, my best move.  I have continued to improve with methodical coaching and corrections to form.
2.  Crossfit people are the best.  I have met so many great people from such diverse backgrounds.  In the course of a 15 minute warm-up, I will talk to: a nurse, a financial planner, a logistics manager, a student, a marketer, a highway patrol officer, a corporate manager, a corporate executive, a stay at home mom, a sales person, a drug rep, a teacher, a solider, and numerous firefighters.  How cool is that?

and the # 1 thing I've learned:
1. Maintaining a healthy weight is mostly due to good eating habits, while maintaining a healthy fitness level is mostly due to good exercise habits.  They are certainly interdependent, but not as much as people want to believe.  Think about it for a minute, have you or anyone you know ever lost a significant amount of weight by simply adding an exercise routine to their lifestyle?  I'd guess "none".  How many people that lost a lot of weight do so by changing their diet?  I'd guess "all of them".  On the flip-side, eating raw veggies, lean meat and good fat ain't gonna make your mile faster if you don't go out and run on a regular basis.  You have to choose both to have a balanced, healthy life...

OK, now for the fun:

The Top 5 Things I Haven't Learned in 2 Years
5. How to keep someone stealing my damn box during the WOD.  I need it to get myself hooked onto the pull-up bar!
4. How to not get a "front wedgie" when using the pull-up bands.
3. That keeping up with a 20 year old on the first 800m run is STUPID.
2. To enjoy "All the Single Ladies" as a motivating workout song.  Bleech.

and the number one thing I still haven't learned...
1. WODs that look easy... aren't, WODs that look hard... usually suck worse than you can imagine.

Top 10 New Year's Crossfit Resolutions

My <sarcastic> NY resolutions...

10.  Not to mutter "go f--- yourself" under my breath, to the trainer, when my squat isn't deep enough.
9. Not to steal someone else's <bar, kettlebell, band, box, wife, husband, or score> during a WOD.
8. To write down my score before the endorphins wear off and completely forget where I am.
7. Not to make voodoo dolls replicas of the "fast people" and poke needles in their legs just before a running WOD.
6. Not to take the chalk out of the bucket... even when I just to write my rep count on the floor.
5. To bomb the bar from way overhead with 5 lb weights.  I know it makes me look bad ass to hold 55 lbs overhead and then just drop it, but I know it's not good for the equipment.
4. To run like a gazelle, lift like a beast, and whimper afterwards like a baby.
3. To buy no less than 18 t-shirts, 14 pairs of shoes, 5 pairs of rope climbing socks, 83 rolls of tape, 15 lbs of protein powder, and 9 subscriptions to the Crossfit Journal.  Dedication... all it takes is a little cash.
2.  To  NEVER, EVER, EVER think a "100 day burpee challenge" is in any way a good idea.

and finally,

1. To recognize and cherish the outstanding people I have met at Crossfit 540.  To continue the life changing, life enhancing, life extending, programming from Trevor Belline.  To set an example for others by working as hard as I can each and every day.  To greet and welcome each new person and make them feel welcome in an intimidating environment.  To improve my form in lifting, running, and especially squatting.  To work on my mobility, my warm-ups, and my nutrition, all to become even better in 2012.

Happy New Year Crossfit 540ers...

Guide for Newbies - How to Avoid Injury

Yes, my blog has been a dead zone.  Call it creative differences with my brain... but I've had a couple of inspiring moments at the "box" of late.

First, a story that is not meant to embarrass anyone, but point out my sense of humor at my situation.  I visited the "south" box this last week because I wanted to see how it was going "down there".  Needless to say, I knew very few people.  I went about the normal warm ups and then set up my bar for a pull-up, power clean, box jumping WOD.  After a few power cleans at WOD weight, a fellow teammate complimented me and then asked... "Are you going to do that with one arm?"

My answer... yes.  Editors note: (the guy writing the blog really doesn't have much of a choice.)  It was a great question.  I guess I don't realize how hard it is to tell if/what limitations I have.  Some WODs hide it and in others, it's pretty obvious.  The guy had never seen me workout before, so how could he have known.  It was a valid, insightful question.  So... when you do see me, DON'T ever, ever be afraid to ask me anything.  I've had this all my life.  I don't know any different, but I know it's a curiosity to most everyone else.  Hell I get nervous around people with nubs for hands and gimpy legs (not meant as a joke). It's normal.  Don't be afraid, I don't bite... unless you take my bar.

Alright, HOW TO AVOID INJURY for newbies:

10.  Learn there are two proper positions for the pull-up bands.  Knees and foot.  Crotch is not one of the proper positions.
9. Ensure you take a pre-WOD pee (and dump if needed).   Trust me, nothing worse than a strained muscle from holding that puppy in the entire WOD.
8.  Do not forget you just threw a wall ball in the air.  If you have ADD, you may need to take an extra hit of meds before a WB WOD.  20lbs to the noggin is a little like a James Harrison hit.
7.  Do not hang a white board without a certified carpenter helping you... right Trevor?
6.  Ensure you have the proper protein drink mixed, in the fridge, and ready to consume IMMEDIATELY after the WOD is over.
5.  Get to know the person before complementing their snatch or asking them to watch you jerk.
4.  Avoid Alonzo's Mobility WODs like the plague.  Nothing like stretching to make you hurt.
3.  Buy a separate pair of shoes for each movement.  Currently, I have wall ball shoes, box jump shoes, oly lift shoes, running shoes, pull-up shoes, KB swing shoes.  I hear they just introduced Ring Dip shoes (not sure what the technology is yet), so I guess Santa better get his shit together and bring me a pair.  The only thing is that it really kills my time is changing the damn things during the WOD.  Oh well, it's a small price to pay for being in the right gear.
2.  Don't eat sausage balls that have been left, unrefrigerated, at the North gym for three days on the plate of cookies from the local chiropractor.

And finally....

1. Don't take my bar.

Kate's Birth Story - Repost

Many of you have heard this story, some haven't.  One year ago, my daughter Kate was born after 7 long years of trying and 1 long day of trepidation for Angie and me.  It has been an outstanding year both personally, professionally, and physically.  I couldn't be more proud of my wife, Angie, my 16 year old Anna, my 13 year old son Grant, and our newest addition, Kate.


If you are interested to see how much a baby can progress in one year, take a look at this video of Kate's first year.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=qe2lgZ12rUI

The ORIGINAL STORY (as typed on a Blackberry at 3:00am).


For those of you not on my email lists, here is the story:  

Well it was an adventure. Kate wasn't due to arrive until 11/18. So I decided to go to a work conference this week in Denver and even booked a mini vacation in the mountains for Thursday and Friday. Angie called Thursday morning to let me know she had a few signs of labor. But at her doctors appointment he said she was fine and I should stay in Colorado. 

At noon, her contractions were bad enough that Julie (her boss) sent her home. Meanwhile, I was wringing my hands on if I should return or stay for my mini vacation. Angie and I toiled over the decision until I listened to her experience a contraction over the phone and I knew it was time. One canceled hotel, one cancelled car, and 1 flight change and I was on my way. Unfortunately, I had 7 hours before the flight left. 

Back in Arkansas, the contractions got quicker and more intense. Angie's mom gathered her up and took her to the hospital. I was still sitting in the airport. Delynn, my colleague (who is 7 months pregnant herself), kept me pretty calm for the next few hours.  I even helped Angie through a few contractions over the phone. She was only 3 centimeters at that point. Plenty of time... right?

However, just before getting on the plane she was at 6 and heading for the epidural. This is the exact moment that I started 

Freaking 

Out. 

A 2 hour plane ride with no updates. Even Delynn stopped pretending I had plenty of time. 

By the time I landed, an entire plan had been put in motion. My quick phone call revealed Angie was 10 centimeters and ready to push.  I also found out I had people waiting on me. The plane crew let me off first and the Gate crew ran with me to clear a path through the airport. 

Maisha was at the top of the escalator wanting my keys and directing me to a white SUV waiting at the terminal. Julie was waiting in her Land Rover with a police escort. As we flew through the back roads, Julie's glee at being in a police convoy kept me distracted. We survived the back roads and as we barreled down I-540, Julie explained my exact route through the ER door to my wife's room. 

Meanwhile, Maisha convinced a incoming airport passenger to drive her around the airport economy lot until she located my car. 

As I arrived at the hospital, I jumped out, got through the doors and made it just in time. The stirrups were in place and the pushing started immediately. 1 hour later, after a heroic effort by Angie, Kate Lauren entered the world. 5 lbs 1 oz, 19 inches long at 11:45pm. Mom and baby are great. Kate has a full head of brown and the tiniest hands imaginable. 

I'm a proud dad and now I get to lose sleep all over again. A heartfelt thanks to Linda, Delynn, Maisha, Julie, the police, the passengers of flight 6729, and the Willow Creek staff for a crazy, stressful and ultimately wonderful experience. 

And of course thanks to my lovely wife who did the hard work while I sat in an airport.

Forgetful

Fair warning.  This post is not about Crossfit nor is it a happy one.  I won't be linking to it in Facebook or any of my other social media.

It's about my Grandmother and how sad I am that she is gone.  She isn't dead, but she is gone.  Alzheimer's is a nasty, nasty disease... one that may hurt family members even more than the victim.  It's gradual and long.  It wears down family members that have to deal with all the difficulties it creates.  Sometimes, I would guess, to the point of irritation.

I'm really good at denial, as I've blogged about before.  Not your traditional denial of pretending it isn't going on, but rather of accepting the consequences.  I was telling my mom that Grandmother had it before she ever even thought to have her tested.  But that doesn't mean that once we knew that I'd accept it.

But I'm getting ahead.  My granddaddy got it years ago.  He died last year after a long slow deterioration. God spared the latter stages of Alzheimer's where one doesn't know family members.  He still knew us all, but not much else.  My grandmother took care of him virtually by herself for all those years.  Once he died, it was almost as if she gave her body permission to deteriorate too.  The effect was almost immediate.  She began disoriented and forgetful.  Soon, it was too bad to deny and mom had her tested.

I probably have the timelines wrong, but I don't care.  That's what happens when you deny reality.  But then something happened this week which brought the heaviest stones down on my shoulders.  Stones of guilt, remorse, anger, hate, and most of all, sadness.  See, I turn 42 on Monday.  My wife, being the kind, beautiful soul that she is, wants to make me whatever dessert I want.  This despite having to make cakes for my two daughters whose birthdays are all within the same week.  Oh and hosting my parents and throwing a sweet 16 and sweet 1 party.  She STILL wants my needs to be met.

That's when it hit me.  She is the sweetest person I've ever known except for my grandmother.  I made it worse by asking for my favorite dessert, a Pecan Pie.  (Side note: as another example of my denial, I've always said that German Chocolate Cake is my favorite dessert... and my grandmother made me a least a dozen of them over the years... but the real truth is I wish, every year, I'd asked for a Pecan Pie.)  My grandmother makes the best Pecan Pie in the world.  My wife has slowly replicated my grandmother's most prized recipes... sweet potato soufflé and german chocolate cake.  I have no doubt the Pecan Pie is next.

God, it's really crazy how these moments sneak up on you.  I haven't stopped thinking about her in the subsequent 3 days since this happened.  I MISS her.  I miss the woman that would tirelessly prepare the best damn food you could ever eat.  Her dishes were legendary and her recipes spread like wildfire among people lucky enough to taste one.  I miss the woman that invented the large cookie.  The Cookie Factory did not.  My grandmother was feeding me big cookies 34 years ago.  She was also the woman that taught me to throw a baseball... even though she really didn't know how.  She would stand in the back yard and let me zing baseballs at her.  Hell, I'm sure at times I terrified her.  Thank God she finally told me she couldn't do it anymore.

This woman also would meticulously alter my long sleeve shirts to fit my right arm.... and cut two fingers out of my gloves.  As a kid, I took it all for granted... not that she ever needed anything other than an "I love you..."  Thank God I said that a lot to her.

Up until recently, I use to call her every week.  But it was SO hard to talk to her.  She didn't remember talking to me last week or anything I said.  So I got a little worse at making sure I reached her every week.  She kept asking me to bring Kate to see her even though I already had.  I didn't know if I should remind her or not.  It's just really hard to know how to approach it.

A couple of weeks ago, the family moved her to an Alzheimer's assisted living place.  I think it was a great move.  She has people to interact with and a staff to keep her safe.  But selfishly, I realize that I will never see her in her kitchen again, nor sitting on her couch holding her great grandchildren.  And it just makes me really really angry.  I think of all the shitty people in this world and she gets picked to suffer this in her life.  It makes me want to kick the shit out of whoever decides this stuff.  But anger doesn't work, so I blog instead.

The most disturbing thing about this is how closely related my grandmother and grandfather's disease was.  Both were fairly healthy otherwise (except high blood pressure) but both got Alzheimer's despite being from different genetic pools.  And they got it within a similar timeframe.  I'm convinced, more than ever, it is diet.  But who know WHAT it is.  They mostly ate meat, fruits, veggies and grains.  It wasn't until much later in life they took upon processed foods, and never to the level we all eat now.  So, who knows.  We are all probably killing brain cells every day...

I don't really know how to end this.  No witty closing, no words of wisdom.  I'm sad and I don't know when I won't be anymore.  I know it will pass, but until then, I miss her.